{"id":1037,"date":"2017-12-25T04:17:58","date_gmt":"2017-12-25T09:17:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1037"},"modified":"2017-12-25T04:17:58","modified_gmt":"2017-12-25T09:17:58","slug":"letter-to-nra-santa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1037","title":{"rendered":"Letter to NRA Santa"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>All I want for Christmas is a gun,<br \/>\njust like little Ralphie, except real.<br \/>\nArmor-piercing bullets would be fun,<br \/>\nand a barrel made of polished steel.<br \/>\nSanta, bring me ammo clips,<br \/>\nbody targets, liquor nips.<br \/>\nArm me for a firefight.<br \/>\nA silencer would be all right.<br \/>\nShoulder holster would be cool.<br \/>\nRapid fire killing tool.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll get a license, keep it legal,<br \/>\nswear upon the U.S. eagle.<br \/>\nAnd I&#8217;ll only use it to defend.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll never kill a relative or friend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>All I want for Christmas is a gun, just like little Ralphie, except real. Armor-piercing bullets would be fun, and a barrel made of polished steel. Santa, bring me ammo clips, body targets, liquor nips. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1037\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[3,4],"class_list":["post-1037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poem-2","tag-poem","tag-poetry-2"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":809,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=809","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":0},"title":"He&#8217;s Makin&#8217; A List","author":"Rick Young","date":"December 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Oh Santa, please bring me some nukes for Christmas. Just leave some megatons beneath my tree. My Russian pen pal asked you for the same thing. And I don't want him to have more than me. The game we play is mutual destruction. And I don't know, dear Santa, if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":626,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=626","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":1},"title":"Diablo Dog","author":"Rick Young","date":"December 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"A Spanish pup escaped the pound and headed toward the border. He happened on a frankfurt stand and dared put in an order. \"I'll have a weiner. Make it hot. I'll need ketchup and relish.\" They threw his tail into a pot. A dog's life can be hellish.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":928,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=928","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":2},"title":"Retirement Blues","author":"Rick Young","date":"August 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm looking for some glue, but all the tubes are empty. In the kitchen, aerosol cans hiss and try to tempt me. I've stolen vodka from next door. I've smoked a pipe of stems. I feel like meaning's matador. I need some M&M's. If I were in Ecuador, I could\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":672,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=672","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":3},"title":"Gin Rummy Hangover","author":"Rick Young","date":"January 25, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I knocked when I was holding pairs. I fell once going up the stairs. I had a run but no one cares. The day after cards is annoying, the images burning and cloying. My three on your threes. I'll take that eight, please. The king's on his knees in the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":794,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=794","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":4},"title":"Bypass","author":"Rick Young","date":"December 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ten years ago today, my heart went on a short vacation. It called me in my dream state from a pay phone at a station. \"I'm sitting just outside your chest. It's really quite a view. Don't worry, get yourself some rest, I'll be back in a few. Amazing how\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":197,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=197","url_meta":{"origin":1037,"position":5},"title":"To a Beetle Eaten Young","author":"Rick Young","date":"December 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"To a beetle eaten young, I dedicate my tongue. I'll cut it up in thirds and feed it to the birds. For words will not suffice the nature of this vice. A beetle eaten young. Who now will roll our dung?","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/redtinnoodles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Lennon8.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/redtinnoodles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Lennon8.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/redtinnoodles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Lennon8.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/redtinnoodles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Lennon8.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1037","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1037"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1037\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1037"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1037"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1037"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}