{"id":1520,"date":"2020-01-22T15:37:32","date_gmt":"2020-01-22T20:37:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1520"},"modified":"2020-01-22T15:37:32","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T20:37:32","slug":"make-assholes-graphic-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1520","title":{"rendered":"Make Assholes Graphic Again"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is now a graphic novel of Mueller’s report,<\/p>\n

for those who are fond of cartoons and of books real short.<\/div>\n
See the funny Russian agents in Trump’s oval room.<\/div>\n
He tells them a bunch of secrets, words flash, “Bang! Whap! Zoom!”<\/div>\n
See the crimes and misdemeanors dressed in funny suits.<\/div>\n
See his pal Vlad Putin walk all over him with boots.<\/div>\n
See him chase James Comey like Roadrunner off a cliff.<\/div>\n
There’s a scratch-and-sniff Jeff Sessions, if you want a whiff.<\/div>\n
In the pop-up section, there’s a large Trump Moscow Tower.<\/div>\n
Coloring the co-conspirators might take an hour.<\/div>\n
Cut-out Jared and Ivanka come with suits and dresses.<\/div>\n
Simulated Melania lets you comb her tresses.<\/div>\n
And because this graphic novel wants to tell it all,<\/div>\n
it arrives pre-packaged in a mini border wall.<\/div>\n
There is one brief warning, though, the end might cause you rage:<\/div>\n
images of Mueller comatose on the last page.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is now a graphic novel of Mueller’s report, for those who are fond of cartoons and of books real short. See the funny Russian agents in Trump’s oval room. He tells them a bunch of secrets, words flash, “Bang! Whap! Zoom!” See the crimes and misdemeanors dressed in funny suits. See his pal Vlad […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-story"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2063,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2063","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":0},"title":"Insurrection Act II","author":"Rick Young","date":"September 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Rotund king in gold bodysuit\u00a0enters right, tips his hair, tells a few one-liner lies, exits left, very slowly, down a small ramp, trips, rolls offstage. Four elderly white men in turtle suits march in, singing: \" Our king is a good man who hates bad protestors, who'll team up with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Story"","block_context":{"text":"Story","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1575,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1575","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":1},"title":"A Dark Hallmark","author":"Rick Young","date":"February 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Shout out to our heartless king on this valentine's day, hunkered in his office cutting programs for the poor, blowing up old monuments that stand in his wall's way, insulting all his minions and dominions, to be sure. The march of broken bodies he's imagined in his head will soothe\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1657,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1657","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":2},"title":"Going Fishing","author":"Rick Young","date":"March 19, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Steve Minnowchin is gonna throw some money in, so you can origami\u00a0while sequestered. A thousand paper cranes will not relieve the pains. Though it might help with boredom that has festered. For now it's just green paper, there's nothing left to buy. You might as well use it as toiletry.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1676,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1676","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":3},"title":"Indiscretion Alley","author":"Rick Young","date":"March 29, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Sarkafo\" Gus\u00a0was not a social\u00a0distancing believer. He'd prowl the street quite indiscreet, a ciggie butt retriever. He'd kiss a baby, kiss a dog, if any were around. He'd pick up pennies, anything that's shiny, off the ground. Cops would yell, \"Hey! Dumb as hell! Get yourself back inside!\" He'd make\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Obit"","block_context":{"text":"Obit","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=35"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":547,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=547","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":4},"title":"Headstrong Tailor","author":"Rick Young","date":"January 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The man with needles had them all in stitches. His specialty was sewing funny britches. Sometimes you'd find sewn on the cuff a collar button or ear muff. Some pants might sport inverted pockets, or belt loops that looked like rockets. One might find louvres in the knees, the better\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2798,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2798","url_meta":{"origin":1520,"position":5},"title":"Scupper","author":"Rick Young","date":"March 2, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"There's a lot to be saved if for drinking supper; cycle all those liquids as if you're human scupper. Give me one more beer, dear bartender. I'm still a few away from being on a bender. When I start to ask for whiskey, that's a sign I'm getting frisky, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1520"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1520\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1521,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1520\/revisions\/1521"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}