{"id":2007,"date":"2020-09-03T10:51:40","date_gmt":"2020-09-03T14:51:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2007"},"modified":"2020-09-11T07:39:09","modified_gmt":"2020-09-11T11:39:09","slug":"dick-tooter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2007","title":{"rendered":"Dick Tooter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you want to be nice, you could vote for me twice<br \/>\nwhile I work out my kill-the-mail scheme.<br \/>\nI&#8217;m the nightmare the hippies saw coming,<br \/>\nthe anti-Amerikan dream.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll blow up all racial pretensions<br \/>\nand continue to subvert the law.<br \/>\nWith my planeload of dark thugs inventions,<br \/>\nI can drop the fake newsmaker&#8217;s\u00a0jaw.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll constantly name drop ANTIFA,<br \/>\nmake suburbs sense fear in the night.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll kick things around more than FIFA.<br \/>\nTwo lies make a wrong thing seem right.<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll spur on my good boys with long guns<br \/>\nto keep any protest in hand,<br \/>\ntell my police whenever a perp runs,<br \/>\nhe&#8217;s got to know that&#8217;s his last stand.<br \/>\nI&#8217;m turning all purloined mail cases<br \/>\ninto immigrant child B &amp; B&#8217;s.<br \/>\nFirst we must spray mace in their faces,<br \/>\nto make sure that they don&#8217;t have fleas.<br \/>\nAll disappeared looters in Dem towns<br \/>\nwill not be found on voter rolls.<br \/>\nWe&#8217;ve long ago disposed of those clowns.<br \/>\nThey&#8217;ve\u00a0 been sold as fishermen&#8217;s trolls.<br \/>\nI can&#8217;t wait to get back at congress.<br \/>\nIn my second term they will die.<br \/>\nI will torture the ones who were wrongest,<br \/>\nand record, like George Floyd, when they cry.<br \/>\nFor those who think I&#8217;ll be outvoted,<br \/>\nI guess you don&#8217;t know me too well.<br \/>\nYou will be from life rolls demoted<br \/>\nand sentenced to non-random hell.<br \/>\n(CHORUS)<br \/>\nMy next inauguration will be the best, of course.<br \/>\nAny citizen not there risks Homeland Defense Force.<br \/>\nThey&#8217;ll be bred as worker bees and caged next to the Wall.<br \/>\nI can&#8217;t believe you peasants didn&#8217;t sense this in the fall.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you want to be nice, you could vote for me twice while I work out my kill-the-mail scheme. I&#8217;m the nightmare the hippies saw coming, the anti-Amerikan dream. I&#8217;ll blow up all racial pretensions and continue to subvert the law. With my planeload of dark thugs inventions, I can drop the fake newsmaker&#8217;s\u00a0jaw. I&#8217;ll [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-song"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2166,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2166","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":0},"title":"Between Turned Leaves (for N.)","author":"Rick Young","date":"October 17, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Put me in your page. Then I'll grow grey with age. I'm your bookmark. Drop\u00a0me on the floor. That's o.k., you got lots more. I'm your bookmark. Sometimes I'm substituted for one more fitting to the theme. I know that I'll come back, though laying in a stack. Because caressing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2784,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2784","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":1},"title":"Mailed Quail","author":"Rick Young","date":"July 3, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Oh, first I went and shot a quail. And then I sent it in the mail. And now I'm looking for some bail. I guess that was an epic fail. Quail, quail, everybody rail! This is the chorus of the mailed quail's tale. Good sir, I did not realize one\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Posthumous Additions&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Posthumous Additions","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=40"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1581,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1581","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":2},"title":"Day of the Red","author":"Rick Young","date":"February 17, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Keeping to the spirit of this\u00a0year's President's Day, I'll spend two dozen hours with nothing good to say. I'll start with his constant attack on our endangered species, and segue to his lying mouth, which, open, smells like feces. Next I'll mention how he mocked a disabled reporter, how, when\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2210,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2210","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":3},"title":"Concession Speak","author":"Rick Young","date":"November 7, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I wish Sleepy Joe the best. Be assured I hid a pest somewhere in the office walls which responds to twitter calls. You'd better change the old nuke code, in case I get in launching mode. It only takes small ammo fare to destroy all Delaware. You do love trains,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Story&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Story","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1037,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1037","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":4},"title":"Letter to NRA Santa","author":"Rick Young","date":"December 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"All I want for Christmas is a gun, just like little Ralphie, except real. Armor-piercing bullets would be fun, and a barrel made of polished steel. Santa, bring me ammo clips, body targets, liquor nips. Arm me for a firefight. A silencer would be all right. Shoulder holster would be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":928,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=928","url_meta":{"origin":2007,"position":5},"title":"Retirement Blues","author":"Rick Young","date":"August 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm looking for some glue, but all the tubes are empty. In the kitchen, aerosol cans hiss and try to tempt me. I've stolen vodka from next door. I've smoked a pipe of stems. I feel like meaning's matador. I need some M&M's. If I were in Ecuador, I could\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poem&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2007","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2007"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2007\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2022,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2007\/revisions\/2022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}