{"id":2514,"date":"2021-07-04T10:39:28","date_gmt":"2021-07-04T14:39:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2514"},"modified":"2021-07-04T10:39:28","modified_gmt":"2021-07-04T14:39:28","slug":"coffin-nails","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2514","title":{"rendered":"Coffin Nails"},"content":{"rendered":"

Low sodium and sugar free.<\/p>\n

The two important facts for me.<\/div>\n
No candies, cookies, cake, ice cream.<\/div>\n
I’m stuck in a starvation dream.<\/div>\n
No Mars, no Mounds, no Almond Joy.<\/div>\n
Three Musketeers have lost this boy.<\/div>\n
No devil dogs, Yoohoo or Coke.<\/div>\n
It’s all a tasteless, funless joke.<\/div>\n
My kingdom for potato chips!<\/div>\n
But nay! No salt must pass these lips.<\/div>\n
A pretzel would be tantalizing.<\/div>\n
But there is no salt disguising.<\/div>\n
All my thoughts of salted corn,<\/div>\n
lifetime favorite, now food porn.<\/div>\n
Pepper is the only spice<\/div>\n
that I’ve not been warned of thrice.<\/div>\n
Salt and sugar, S & S,<\/div>\n
got me in this heartbeat mess.<\/div>\n
Now I’m on the cutting edge,<\/div>\n
out here on the isle of veg.<\/div>\n
Raw foods, nothing boxed or canned.<\/div>\n
Microwave meals mostly banned.<\/div>\n
Plain old water, pure fruit juice.<\/div>\n
Diet soda’s cutting loose.<\/div>\n
Chemicals try hard to sweeten.<\/div>\n
But you don’t know what you’re eatin’.<\/div>\n
Taste bud life is now a bore,<\/div>\n
since I’ve turned a herbivore.<\/div>\n
I might as well chew fingernails.<\/div>\n
And sometimes do, when all else fails.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Low sodium and sugar free. The two important facts for me. No candies, cookies, cake, ice cream. I’m stuck in a starvation dream. No Mars, no Mounds, no Almond Joy. Three Musketeers have lost this … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poem-2"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2512,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2512","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":0},"title":"Heartfelt","author":"Rick Young","date":"July 3, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"My heart is like an engine that just runs on stolen\u00a0gas. Doc says the result's\u00a0from years of eating like an ass. I've quit the drink and cut way back on both sugar and salt. Cuts the appetite when faced with cauliflower malt. Fat free and low sodium are now my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":952,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=952","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":1},"title":"Torte Hogger","author":"Rick Young","date":"October 3, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I saw you crossing lanes while on the whipped cream line. Such a bold infraction often brings a healthy fine. Later in the forest I spied you shooting mousse. Then I realized your problem: sugar junkie on the loose. I certainly can sympathize. You see, I am the fellow who\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":892,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=892","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":2},"title":"Carnac Homage II","author":"Rick Young","date":"April 29, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"60's \"Fifth Beatle\" DJ, turned dentist: Murray Decay Wild west folk hero with esophageal spasms: Wild Bill Hiccup Ball club made up of little Cratchits: Tiny Team Disney memorabilia above the fireplace: Mickey Mantlepiece Ex Supreme Court judge becomes ruler of England: Warren Berger King If Kong had freed captive\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1575,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=1575","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":3},"title":"A Dark Hallmark","author":"Rick Young","date":"February 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Shout out to our heartless king on this valentine's day, hunkered in his office cutting programs for the poor, blowing up old monuments that stand in his wall's way, insulting all his minions and dominions, to be sure. The march of broken bodies he's imagined in his head will soothe\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":967,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=967","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":4},"title":"Redeem All Coupons","author":"Rick Young","date":"November 7, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Sugar foresters plead from the confection zone. Record players scream the sound of bone on bone. No one knows you're home if you unplug the phone. The current is succinctly out of time, the vestibule encased by mordant rime. Tell the mailman you'll not be accepting bills. Move your tent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poem"","block_context":{"text":"Poem","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2407,"url":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?p=2407","url_meta":{"origin":2514,"position":5},"title":"The Lead Goose Only Breaks Wind","author":"Rick Young","date":"February 24, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Goose Tatum, Goose Gossage and Goose Goslin used to get in their best vee formation and chase Ducky Medwick, George Crowe, Robin Roberts, Hawk Harrelson and Jose Cardenal around the field. Occasional drop ins by some other animals livened the festivities as Moose, Bull, Panda, Big Cat and Roadrunner made\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2514"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2514\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2515,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2514\/revisions\/2515"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/redtinnoodles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}