Animals have been getting into our downstairs kitchen for years.
\nIt’s underground, so they have rights. I once found a squirrels’ nest
\nunder a bookcase where they were using paperback pages for bedsheets.
\nBut, over the years, I’ve fortified. I found breaks where they were coming in,
\ncovered them with wood, plastic, even metal…they chewed through.
\nThen I found glass. Impenetrable. I drank wine frantically for a year,
\namassing enough bottles to erect the Burrow-in wall, and with a swagger
\ncontemplated embellishing with broken glass (I love the smell of squirrel
\nblood in the morning..). And I thought they were stopped. They were not.
\nMice squeezed through. But made no purchase.
\nThis fall I saw what looked like a flash of chipmunk after tracking down some noise.
\nUnused catnip was the target. I defoodified the kitchen area (we have no
\nrunning water there, so it’s a frozen wasteland) and sat back waiting.
\nThey attacked the waste basket until it was lidded. Alas, their last forays
\nwere dedicated to nibbling at a yellow soap bar,after knocking it into the unused sink. Each night a few more gnaw and scratch marks would amass. It was almost cute.
\nBut last night they must have gathered a road crew.
\nN said she heard some crashing downstairs and in the morning, the soap bar was gone.
\nI fear a league of chipmunks has come to pass.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"