by Rick Young | Aug 9, 2020 | List
11:02 a.m., the bomb hit Nagasaki.
Over in America, Betty Boop (1930) was cocky.
Charles Farrell (1900) and Robert Shaw (1927)
were both John Dryden (1631) readers.
Jean Piaget’s (1896) child psych theories
helped out many breeders.
Rod Laver (1938), Aussie, rushed the net.
Whitney Houston (1963) lost her bet.
Bob Cousy (1928), Boston Celtics’ “Cooz,”
gave hockey’s Brett Hull (1964) the Blues.
Ken Norton (1943) once beat old Ali.
We can’t forget Mets’ Tom Agee (1942).
In the late night, sixty-nine, the Manson gang descended.
In ninety-five the Great Jerry Garcia was ascended.
by Rick Young | Jun 15, 2020 | List
There’s just no reason not to drink these days.
It makes things better in so many ways.
The pandemic doesn’t seem so bad
depending on the drinks you’ve had.
This is not to say whiskey’s a healer,
just that you may be soothed by tequila.
Bloody Mary tends to make the nightly news less scary.
Rum and coke turns anything White House into a joke.
Five straight shots of gin might make you think Republican.
And now with all the killings of black men by bad white cops,
some may find the pain is eased by drinking of the schnapps.
There’s little now to cheer, but some solace in good beer.
Some sturdy stout can black things out to be sorted tomorrow.
With things this bad, it’s mad, it’s sad, but alcohol dulls sorrow.
by Rick Young | Apr 28, 2020 | List
Guess I’ll count the forks again.
The prize this time: a nip of gin.
I know the spoon count now by heart.
And knives were there right from the start.
Yes, counting silverware is in my guide
on stupid things to do while stuck inside.
Another thing is taking matched-up socks,
and dump them all together in a box.
Then tie one to another one that isn’t its same color.
You thought counting cutlery was slow, but this is duller.
A zen-like exercise is match your breathing to your cats.
But then they go chase shadows. Slow it down, you dirty rats!
I gather all the cobwebs thinking I can make a scarf.
But sometimes all the dead bugs inside make me want to barf.
I scrub the tiles with tooth brushes and paint things on my teeth.
I pick up every seat cushion and collect what’s beneath.
I run in tiny circles. I call this the white tornado.
I use push pins and paper clips to make mister potato.
I look for Jesus faces in the cabinet doors and floor.
I’ve thrown some deep hail Mary’s but they’re not caught any more.
The last chapter of my guide
gives you the tells on if you’ve died.
If you’ve not eaten in a week or more.
If your body lies, unmoving, on the kitchen floor.
If a paper held beneath your nose does not show breath,
odds are you can read my epilogue, called come, meet death.
by Rick Young | Feb 21, 2020 | List
Seeing news, I note he just gave “Parasite” a kick.
Think he wanted that title for his own bio-pic.
I’m sure we can probably find a better one than that,
a monster name like “Hairwolf” or maybe “Frankenfat.”
A song title, perhaps, like Bowie’s “Man Who Sold the World,”
or something native like “White Scalp with Nylon on it Swirled.”
Maybe one that’s lots more fun like “Toilet Paper Trailer.”
Or, “If It Weren’t For Bone Spurs I Would Likely Be A Sailor.”
How ’bout ” Squandered All the Billions My Rich Daddy Gave Me,”
or the catty “I will do Bill Barr if he will Save Me.”
I like “Mail Order Bride Magnet,” think it’s got a ring.
Then there’s “Get Out of Jail Free, As Long as You Don’t Sing.”
“Nero Two” does not quite do, but “Caligula” might,
though it translates “Little Boots,” “Tiny Hands” is more right.
Perhaps “The Furor” or “The Sniffer” sound a bit more gangster.
Or aim for anti-Mister Rogers, “Kids In Cages Prankster.”
Of course, he might go biblical and choose “The Chosen One.”
Or lean a bit toward mystery, like “Times Square, With a Gun.”
Branding him is like a swim, can go in all directions.
Blatantly, what we don’t want is “I Stole Two Elections.”
by Rick Young | Jan 18, 2020 | List
In Vegas birds wear cowboy hats.
Or so it says in chat room chats.
A Wiggles singer collapsed on stage.
Rejecting royalty’s all the rage.
Airplane fuel’s been dumped on schools.
Neo-nazis act like fools.
Philippine volcano blew.
Evidence shows Nunez knew.
Flash floods mock the Aussie fires.
Yang gives money, has no buyers.
Rapper Pop Smoke stole a Royce.
Simpsons’ Apu needs new voice.
Trump law team are t.v. stars.
Parnas haunted hotel bars.
Women marchers on the ground.
‘Portrait of a Lady’ found.
If the news seems off the hook,
wait until you read the book.
by Rick Young | Jun 26, 2019 | List
A waitress in Chicago spit on Eric.
Flamingo killer struck dead by a truck.
The chief of protocol threatened his workers with a whip.
The news is weird today. Seems we’re in luck.
Some twenty Dems are ready to debate insanity.
And Cardi B will fight her strip club charge.
Kim Jong Un is leading POTUS by his vanity.
While killer Saudi prince still’s living large.
Our captives at the border cannot get a bar of soap.
And cell phones create horn-like bumps on skulls.
Roy Moore is coming back, which must give pedophiles some hope.
What say we spit on Eric during lulls.
