by Rick Young | Apr 30, 2017 | Poem
Where you can see Van Gogh’s Q-tip: ear wax museum
She always complains about her high rent at the DaVinci apartment complex: moaner leaser
What the Xerox thief figured he’d do in court: Copy Cop a plea
Sox Hall Of Fame catcher patted down at airport: Carlton Frisk
Russian leader snubs Trump’s hotel while in NYC: Putin in the Ritz
Best gloves to wear in a dojo: karate kidskin
Famous CNN woman host has a frivolous day off: Maddow lark
Hoop star Kobe’s private roadway: Lane Bryant
Erle Stanley Gardner’s novel about attorney Perry’s time in the Marines: Mason jarhead
The red headed stranger’s entire music catalog: full Nelson
Physician’s photo session while posing atop reddish-brown horse:
sitting of the doc on the bay
Best backup singer ever’s info survey: Emmy Lou Harris poll
Is this currency good in this country?: wonder bread
Hideaway sleeping device caught in swirling flood waters: eddy Murphy bed
What Sir Edmund Hillary said when warned that Tensing had put on some extra pounds:
"Nothing he could weigh would scare me away from my guide"
Former fireball pitcher Nolan won’t let his own boy behind the plate when he’s pitching:
don’t let the son catch you, Ryan
"I Am Woman" singer’s dominatrix prop: Helen Reddy whip
Anyone who overreacts when winning a pinball game: Al Pachinko
Irish singer Morrison trying to flag down a cab: Van hailin’
New Starbucks treat made with horse milk: pony espresso
What Sergio became when he won the Masters: cheery Garcia
Bigfoot planning to sneak into camp to steal food: hairy plotter
Patient accidentally pees on the floor, covers it with hospital gown: johnny on the spot
If action actor Dwayne Johnson had male triplets, what he would call the last born:
third son from The Rock
Richie Cunningham portrayer’s butt: Howard’s end
What the wicked witch said to Julia Roberts: "I’ll get you, my Pretty Woman"
Selling "Tea For The Tillerman" CD’s on the street: Cat Stevens hawking
Spill mayonnaise after reading 33 pages of music: Miracle Whip on 34th sheet
Social satirist Mort’s preferred mode of transportation: Sahl train
When Robin William’s alien character worked for a pest control company:
Mork from Orkin
Scottish singer Donovan’s pathway in Oz: Mellow Yellow brick road
An extreme diva’s favorite season: prima donna summer
He sang the sea urchin version of "Venus": Frankie abalone
When one needs M&M’s to get through the day: candy crutch
New non-fiction tome about trends: faze book
" Folsom Prison" singer meets "Pet Detective" actor: Cash and Carrey
Magnum P.I. star allergic to gluten: Tom Celiac
Family Feud star Steve’s new sleepwear line: P.J. Harvey
"Rock Around the Clock" singer’s funny book: Haley’s comic
Fan base of legendary Looney Tunes voice artist Mel: Blanc generation
What the cowboys wanted to do when they spotted a field of large black birds: rustle crow
He sang the dog version of "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends": Joe Cocker spaniel
Sing-along long distance runner: Mitch miler
The game that infuriated Art Garfunkle: Simon says
Favorite late night host of canines: Jimmy kibble
Mozart’s flatulence problem: classical gas
What they called Lancelot when he got insanely happy on Easter morn upon receiving marshmallow chix: gladdest knight and the peeps
Beauty contest for women with broken limbs: Miss Cast
Largest eel ever caught in Holland: moray Amsterdam
French king who was a real shit: Louis the turd
A very sloppy DNA splicer: Gene Hackman
Last climb before Dogma Mountain: Faith Hill
Big purple hot dog for kids: Barney Frank
What you call a pale man in a speedo: Whitey Bulger
Catholic church’s highest ranking kangaroo: Joey Bishop
Worst job at the International House of Insects: gnat turner
Late beloved Boston Pops conductor reshingles : Fiedler on the roof
Electronic book exposed to a gale: Kindle in the wind
Color of well-functioning brain: sane grey
Derive no pleasure from hypochondriacal aches: I get no kick from sham pain
Horror movie wherein monster emerges from a charred peanut:
Creature From the Black Legume.
by Rick Young | Apr 29, 2017 | Poem
60’s "Fifth Beatle" DJ, turned dentist: Murray Decay
Wild west folk hero with esophageal spasms: Wild Bill Hiccup
Ball club made up of little Cratchits: Tiny Team
Disney memorabilia above the fireplace: Mickey Mantlepiece
Ex Supreme Court judge becomes ruler of England: Warren Berger King
If Kong had freed captive animals: Ape Lincoln
Fractured arm supports and spray cans: slings and aerosols
Mouth big enough to fit a Duncan: Yoyo Maw
Walk softly and carry loopless pants: Theodore Sans a Belt
Beaver Cleaver actor, really stoned: Cottonmouth Mather
"Goodbye Columbus" author’s vineyard pride: Grapes of Roth
Marshall Wyatt, 50’s funnyman Ed & Amelia Earhart: Earp, Wynne and Flyer
Attic steps collapsed onto former first family: "Stairs Fell On All Obamas"
Sneaked looks at identical babies: Twin Peeks
Where Mr. Franklin wore his corsage: Benjamin Buttonhole
What Yoda said when Sean Coombs urinated behind his hut: "Pee, did he?"
Pollinating insect’s weekly calendar book: bee fifty-two
Fifth president moves to Baltimore: Maryland Monroe
Most popular Irish name north of U.S. border: O’Canada
Fletcher Christian hires devils to help in Bounty mutiny: "I’ll Get Bligh
With a Little Help From My Fiends"
Ladies who wash snot rags in large vats: Hankie Tank Women
"Water Music" accompanied by sickly-sweet cartoon ursine dancers:
Handel with Care Bears
Preferring sunburn to straight talk: "I’d rather be red than dead serious"
It’s not SNL actor Chase, but someone who annoys me: He ain’t Chevy,
he’s my bother
Why a man keeps his sock puppet parrot in the freezer: To Chill a Stocking Bird
The horrid also’s: terrible too’s
Mother sheep’s distress cry: Ewe Howl
Counting off shore birds: tern, tern, tern
Dr. Seuss breakfast for tortured Danes: Green Eggs and Hamlet
NASA bought these space walk essentials at the childhood home of the savior:
G-Suits of Nazareth
The cul de sac where cows are struck with ball peens: Moo Hammered Alley
Ms. Farrow in NY’s most contemporary gallery: MOMA Mia
Favorite inn of John Wayne and Dodger slugger Snider: Put Up Your Dukes
Daffy sings while musical mates play versions of popular songs: Duck and Cover band
Underwater sport hairstyle: scuba do
"Walking After Midnight" singer’s final altitude change: Patsy decline
Favorite kids’ drink at the Indiana Jones Theme Park: Shirley Temple of Doom
Thinking man’s favorite thermally-insulated clothing brand: Cerebral Gore Tex
How Harpo Marx played Sir Galahad: silent knight
Sickest position on a football team: sneeze guard
Contact influenza from a door opener: flu off the handle
Shade of blue favored in both Minneapolis and St. Paul: teal of two cities
Dark Taylor: semi sweet Baby James
Where the Pink Panther kept his wine: Peter’s cellar
Ancient Egyptian ruler’s spigot: Pharaoh faucet
CBS newscaster Dan’s special tie skill: Rather knot
Scientific phenomenon wherein really bad jazz pulls you down: Kenny G force
Dogs’ all-time favorite game show host: Bob Barker
What Patriots head coach calls his daily monitoring of midriff girth: Bill’s belly check
Before cutting hair, Delilah always served her men this special juice blend: O.J. Sampson
She sang loudly and lived under the sea: Ethel Mermaid
by Rick Young | Apr 28, 2017 | Poem
Kneel Young – Catechism Instruction booklet for pre-schoolers
Franklin Mint . – after dinner treat from the Queen of Soul
Conway Twitter – Hashtag Kellyanne
Meat the Beetles – Japanese insect cookbook
Chelsea Mourning – post-election state of H’s daughter
Fife and Drum – concept album by Don Knotts and Buddy Rich
Princess Dye – hair coloring product from Disney
Al Franken Sense – 2020 campaign slogan
Taco Bell de Jour – Mexican remake of Catherine Deneuve movie
Earnest Borg Nine – sequel to "Wall-E"
Stand and Deliver – necessary birthing technique under Trump Care
Gym Morrison – health club for roues
Wrecks Read – someone who tells you a book’s ending
Thyme Is On My Side – what Rosemary said
Bum Steer – a bad driver
Pall Anchor – male version of Debby Downer
Bucking Bronco – one who coughs without covering their mouth
Tailor Swift – one-hour clothing repair chain
Elizabethan Warren – where rabbits lived in the sixteenth century
Cruise Control – Scientology
Gnome Chompsky – a little guy who eats with his mouth open
Bawl and Chain – S&M parlor
Creedence Clearwater – NO DAPL !!!!
Merlot Haggard – morning state after wine drunk
Dolly Partin’ – when a girl gives up her childhood toys
Miles Standish – SRO zone at any large stadium
Rubber Sole – Mickey D’s filet o’fish
Dawn Rickles – the marks around your eyes in very early morning
Perry Combover – any old guy in a button-up sweater
Kelly Ripa – the south Boston guy who tore your green shirt
Med flight – hip way to say going to rehab
Drag strip – United Airlines aisle
Tom Waits – male cat behavior during mating season
Nein Inch Nails – a fingernail biter
Johnny B Good – second best rating on Fodor’s Urinal Guide
Berry Manilow – new Ben & Jerry’s flavor
Jiff Sessions – sneaking peanut butter in middle of night
The Four Tops – conservative section of Supreme Court
Deer Prudence – being careful around wildlife
Flying monkey – addiction to air travel
Blue Oyster Cult – anyone who’s ever had food poisoning
Connie Francis – talking mule’s low-profile wife
Lena Horne – cool name for alto sax
Take Five – NBA draft theme song
Joe Tory – British coffee
Big Poppy – heroin
Kool Hand Luke – menthol cigarette smoker
Sean Spicer – how to liven up the taste of your seans
Cat in the Hat – bald-headed jazz musician
Grace Jones – when you’re really itchin’ for religion
Pied piper – plumber with acne
Tammy Wynette – what you have to use when you can’t find your Tammy Wherenette.
by Rick Young | Apr 26, 2017 | Poem
Madness is in the eye of the beholder,
said a man who lived in a toy box.
It’s accepted when a kid or much, much older.
In the interval between, it shocks.
His walls once were Lincoln Logs and Plastic Bricks.
Each toy in his box had their peculiar tricks.
He would play all day in quietude quite deep,
except for forced interludes of food and sleep.
When asked who were favorites from amongst his friends,
he said one-armed soldier and strange thing that bends.
Holidays and birthdays filled him up with joy
when he introduced to that box his new toy.
Then came dreaded school and time was regulated.
Homework was priority, play now berated.
Soon was introduced a glove and baseball bat.
His toy box was closeted; imagine that.
His room filled with baseball cards and model cars.
Walls were tacked with athletes and music stars.
He bought 45’s, "Hound Dog" and One Fine Day."
That toy box was sealed with tape and put away.
Decades passed and he had children of his own.
None of them reacted when his box was shown.
Stuff today lit up, moved and made lots of noise.
To them it was just a coffin of dead toys.
Many years went by, now he’s back in his box,
having gone through several strokes and aftershocks.
Wooly Willie’s on his shelf with Slinky and those men of tin.
Now it is acceptable for him to be a child again.
by Rick Young | Apr 24, 2017 | Poem
No one saw the last strike coming,
on the inside corner humming.
No one saw the walk off homer,
save the hermit Astrodomer.
No one saw the infield fly
never exit from the sky.
All the rules that once applied
disappeared and our sport died.
Stolen bases weren’t returned.
Fireballers really burned.
What were dugouts became trenches.
Kamikazes roamed the benches.
In the bullpen, short relievers
were the last hope of believers.
