When waiting for a train or bus,
stay clear of those who spit or cuss.
Despite their soft and furry backs,
don’t pet the rats that roam the tracks.
It’s good to bring a book or magazine.
And don’t pick seats across from the latrine.
Santa’s in a nursing home.
Rudolph conked him on the dome.
It was clear St. Nick was addled
when the reindeer were found saddled.
Elves were working triple shifts.
Toys were being lost in drifts.
In November, things got weird
when the Claus shaved off his beard.
He’d walk the north pole ringing bells,
looking more like Orson Welles.
When he changed his suit to green,
Rudolph had to intervene.
So, this year it’s for the best
if poor Santa takes a rest.
As you lay snug in your beds,
think of St. Nick on his meds.
Meat Madness is a yearly
competition in our land.
Beef, fowl, pork and even lamb
vie for the taste most grand.
Some recall the famous upset
turkey victory.
But it’s hard to overcome
the great steak dynasty.
Then there was the year that veal
made its surprising run,
only to go down to bacon
at the final gun.
So, folks, fill out your brackets;
see if you can pick a winner.
All the world will watch
our famous championship dinner.
A Spanish pup escaped the pound
and headed toward the border.
He happened on a frankfurt stand
and dared put in an order.
"I’ll have a weiner. Make it hot.
I’ll need ketchup and relish."
They threw his tail into a pot.
A dog’s life can be hellish.
One day some lipsticks melted
on the dashboard of the car.
It looked like modern art had
carried on a bit too far.
On real hot days this waxworks
turned to dripping mass of ooze.
One never knew when exiting
what color’d be your shoes.