Red Tin Noodles

When waiting for a train or bus, stay clear of those who spit or cuss. Despite their soft and furry backs, don’t pet the rats that roam the tracks. It’s good to bring a book … Read more

Santa’s in a nursing home. Rudolph conked him on the dome. It was clear St. Nick was addled when the reindeer were found saddled. Elves were working triple shifts. Toys were being lost in drifts. … Read more

A Spanish pup escaped the pound and headed toward the border. He happened on a frankfurt stand and dared put in an order. "I’ll have a weiner. Make it hot. I’ll need ketchup and relish." … Read more

One day some lipsticks melted on the dashboard of the car. It looked like modern art had carried on a bit too far. On real hot days this waxworks turned to dripping mass of ooze. … Read more

It’s tough when cell mates say goodbye. They’re men, so they don’t want to cry. Like brothers who have both done wrong and been sent to their room so long, each one knows what their … Read more

Uncle Sham pulled nickels from my ear. Always smelled of cigarettes and beer. Told me once that he’d buy me a horse. It was just a plastic toy, of course. Sometimes he would bounce me … Read more

O, eggs in your yellowy pile, approaching the color of bile, we honor your wedding with bacon, with oatmeal the witness, stirred but not shaken. And there stands serene orange juice, right next to black … Read more

Some say that their hairy arms are not amongst a man’s great charms. But some insist that if they’re braided then the look is quite upgraded. Some claim shaving is no trouble up until your … Read more

Eve was teed off at her guy. He said he wanted apple pie. She was extremely discontented. Fire wasn’t yet invented. Adam said they could adjust, maybe use some leaves for crust. Eve said no … Read more

Never curse a nurse. There could be nothing worse. No matter how you feel, they’re there to help you heal. They’ll treat you with compassion although you’re out of fashion. They deal with blood and … Read more

Father Time, it’s no crime to be growing older. We’re all weathering away, tethered to life’s boulder. As we age, comes a stage where that rock rolls faster. Everyone’s a slave to time. No one … Read more

There is no common use for the hue chartreuse. And even more obtuse: what does one do with puce?

Some seek fame and some seek culture. I want to adopt a vulture. Some need structure in their day. I incline toward birds of prey. Some like boys and some like girls. I like birds … Read more

Boots Poffenberger played in only fifty-seven games but arguably had one of the all-time baseball names. Frank Baumann’s ’60 ERA was league-best two-six-seven. The southpaw never matched that, his career mark: four-eleven. Billy Rohr was … Read more

No hot water to get into. No wolf at the door. Furnishings are sparse but they will do. All night sounds of knocking knees, pokeweed whistles "More." There is absolutely not a view. Here the … Read more

The tolerable threes quickly turn to the frightening fours, then fiddling fives and by slick six they’re roaming outdoors. A brief blast of sovereign seven, then ennobled eight starts to leaven. By nay nine they’ve … Read more

Polar bear got nowhere to go once the ice all melts away. They’re just bears. No one cares. ‘Til they come to your backyard to play.

My tap shoes are tapped out. My clogs are clogged, no doubt. My wingtips have all flown away with herringbone. My loafers just look tired, my brogans uninspired. My cleats are dull from sporting lull. … Read more