In what’s now become the wild wild west,
there’s a bedtime story kids love best,
about a family that ruled the land
in what came to be a four year stand.
The ruler’s name was Darn X Dump,
known widely for his death fist bump.
His model wife, named Melanoma,
purchased at Williams Sonoma,
sons named Airwick and Darn Too,
Barren, raised inside a shoe,
daughter Ipana, a looker,
whom he treated like a hooker.
One kid named Epiphany
made no noise, she was thought-free.
He’d cast off wives like used cars,
spent his free time with porn stars.
Some doubled down on hate. He tripled.
Even made fun of the crippled.
Came to power through his cheating,
threatening, lying, then defeating.
Made up nasty names for all.
His motto was “It’s my ball.”
Those who loved the sound of static
seemed to find him charismatic.
Finally, breaking all the rules,
he’d amassed a land of fools.
His next step was put up walls,
kids in cages, he had balls.
No one was beyond his reach.
Whispers came, “impeach…impeach.”
His concept of give-and-take:
putting heads upon a stake.
Ultimately got free reign,
although quite clearly insane.
Over all things he held sway.
Sleep now, or he’ll come your way.
