Red Tin Noodles

No hot water to get into. No wolf at the door. Furnishings are sparse but they will do. All night sounds of knocking knees, pokeweed whistles "More." There is absolutely not a view. Here the … Read more

The tolerable threes quickly turn to the frightening fours, then fiddling fives and by slick six they’re roaming outdoors. A brief blast of sovereign seven, then ennobled eight starts to leaven. By nay nine they’ve … Read more

Polar bear got nowhere to go once the ice all melts away. They’re just bears. No one cares. ‘Til they come to your backyard to play.

My tap shoes are tapped out. My clogs are clogged, no doubt. My wingtips have all flown away with herringbone. My loafers just look tired, my brogans uninspired. My cleats are dull from sporting lull. … Read more

Hacks of all nations repair to your stations. Some sentences need to be written. Severe degradations, misconstrued quotations, to puncture the shy and once-bitten. The front page must rage with outrage and opinions that make … Read more

If I could write like Dylan, I’d give my soul, god willin’. I’d kill to write one "Maggie’s Farm." For "Winterlude," I’d do some harm. I’d chop off both thumbs and a toe to pen … Read more

I like baked potatoes, and lettuce and tomatoes. But I don’t like tornadoes, unless they go to Oz. Those munchkins are delicious, and flying monkeys vicious, the wicked witch pernicious. She’s got that ugly schnoz. … Read more

McQueens are walking, hand-in-hand, Steve and Butterfly. Funny how celebrities pair up after they die. There’s the Powells, handsome couple, Dick and Adam Clayton. And the Taylors, Liz and Robert: didn’t know they’re datin’. Lovely … Read more

I am pleased to be here now as the head of this great class. I know my marks were good, but I am no more than you. We all had a good time. We all … Read more

The message in a bottle flowed like flood tide down my throat. I felt as if I’d lost an oar but didn’t have a boat. I couldn’t see the shining sea from this far on … Read more

Perhaps my abject failure stems from lack of vision. Importing foxholes once seemed an inspired foray. And when they crumbled on a turbulent journey here, the sandcastle-in-a-box kit seemed an excellent idea. And, after a … Read more

Tape your windows. Wear your camouflage. It’s a shooter’s holiday. Hide your loved ones in the garage. There’s a death arcade and many real wild rides. There’ll be bullets lodged in some unlucky hides. There … Read more

The protoplasmic gun belt hangs low on the hips of the world. Shooting speed into cows is the latest rap. Now they are lowing the brain damaged mice to sleep in their electronic cabanas. A … Read more

There’s a crash outside the church and bodies in the road, a flood of blood, the sirens cry, and god is just a goad. To die in shadows of the cross seems ethically untoward. The … Read more

All the townsfolk who pray to the lion and lamb have decided that justice is rarely well done. All the saints ate the sinners, served up in a jam. Now the sisters of mustard all … Read more

Wicket eyes in cardinal sauce. Rum furry flakes. Slapdash panache. Spicy species. Involuntary continental mousse. Anise abuse. Dribbled backwards conks. Lubricated moss. Dendrites on buffalo snatches. Percolated flack dabble. Umpteen fruity quads. Redondo quill flyers. … Read more

I pick up things from off the street and sell ’em. Whenever words come to my head, I yell ’em. They call me Hubcap Bub because I’ve got a big collection. Folks can stop on … Read more

I awoke at two a.m., my reading light still on, a book about the chupacabra of Boca Raton lay open on my chest; I was a fan of science fiction, the monsters of the southern … Read more

I can’t get a laugh out at the funny farm. The cows love satire, but find it ironic not to show it. (Cud-ups!) The deadly ducks quack up at nothing. Mules may bray, but only … Read more

Two bodies of life lined up on a couch begin to slouch and generally disintegrate. The dog eats their dust and turns into rust, he’s thrown in a car but no one gets the license … Read more