Red Tin Noodles

Biden won because he cheated. That is what the loser bleated. Hugo Chavez changed the vote. (All while he was dead, we note.) Insurrection in D.C. hoped to steal a victory, “Hang Mike Pence,” their battle … Read more

On Christmas I heard a few footsteps downstairs. I snuck to the steps, clutching one of my bears. What I saw down there took my breath away. There sat old Santa, no suit and no … Read more

Saying goodbye is an art one learns when hellos are running low. If one times it perfectly, the last goodbye means time to go. The greetings all run out, there comes a time the farewell’s … Read more

Elon Musk, please fly the Don to another planet. You’re the person of the year, so start this fire and fan it. Yes, you’ve got electric cars and money everywhere. So, it should be easy, … Read more

Bob Dole is gone and cast now as a patriot and hero. Yet his post-senate career rates somewhere less than zero. He whitewashed lobbyists from oligarchs to kleptocrats. He spent his late years ushering a … Read more

Singing songs to omicron, trying to get my vaccine on. All this Covid variation makes me long for a vacation. Either an edenic field or hermetically sealed. Just somewhere the germs won’t spread, or ’til … Read more

California is killing the Amazon rainforest, exporting more crude oil than any other state. Sixty six percent of all extracted hits our country, and most of that is aimed for Cal, an overwhelming rate. Four … Read more

Sea creatures are now colonizing our great garbage island, floating plastic twice the size of Texas. Forty coastal species now inhabit the debris, a waste ecology’s Pacific nexus. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch, all eighty-thousand tons, is … Read more

Doctor F is now our one true leader, has been since he dumped Emperor T. All the news that fits, he is the feeder, controls all you hear and what you see. These are classic … Read more

When it was found Christmas-treeing was causing deforestation; when it was discovered reindeer were going extinct due to failed flying lessons; when a field of frozen elves in shallow graves was shockingly happened upon, holiday … Read more