How dark will be our Archie’s skin?
And will the royals let him in?
We should have changed his name, they said.
But who calls their own child “Jughead”?
They cried about my baby bump.
They bought a chocolate milk breast pump.
They stood there ready with a sack,
in case the babe was born “too black.”
They don’t like “darkies” in the castle.
Even the help is a hassle.
Grandpa Chuck won’t give two fucks.
His late wife’s kid really sucks.
Always fighting with the press,
red heads surely are a mess.
Somehow, it’s Diana’s fault.
Curse her bones! (They’re in our vault).
Perhaps they’ll pull a Michael J
and try to bleach his tan away.
That’s why we had to leave the isle.
The whole affair was one shit pile.
The U.S. will let Archie be.
He’ll get his own show on t.v.
He’ll rail about his royal blood.
He’ll call his grandpa Charles a “dud.”
“You killed my grandma on t.v.,
but you will never get to me!
Camilla is a mean old bitch.
It figures you’d prefer a witch!”
The Queen is just a foppish slag.
The Buckinghams “Kind of a Drag.”