He elbowed his way up to the bar
and said, "Bartender, can I have a coke?"
He wore a suit of crimson like a star
and said, "Excuse me, can I bum a smoke?"

I seemed to recognize him
and he acted like a friend.
I felt that we’d grow closer
before this night would end.

Now I’ve been drinkin’ all night but I’m gonna be okay.
I’m down to several singles and a fiver.
He offered me a lift because he’s going just my way.
The devil is my designated driver.

He said I’d had enough drinks for tonight
and took me outside to his hell mobile.
Into the death seat I was buckled tight.
And satan then climbed in behind the wheel.

I looked into his glowing eyes
and felt a little woozy.
I’ve had hallucinations, but,
man, this one was a doozy.

Now I’ve been drinkin’ all night but I’m gonna be okay.
He’s guaranteed I’ll be a safe arriver.
I don’t know where I’m going and it’s much too late to pray.
The devil is my designated driver.