Bats flew like helicopters

from stadiums, sandlots and parks,

all across the sports-infected country.

It was the first protest of its kind.

Inappropriate usage of trees, they ranted.

Last year they’d ruined dear football

with their chants about saving brains.

And hockey has long been a styrofoam sport.

Next year they will focus on MMA

with a call for the incorporation

of body painting within the ring action.

Mixed Partial Arts will never fly.

The moving backboard all but killed hoops.

And the elderly-in-crosswalks

addition will be the end of NASCAR.

All this to pump up the ratings for war.

Generals want that sweet advertising money.

And the pop-up battles have, indeed,

captured the public’s attention.

Gunshots aren’t quite so scary

when it might just be a game breaking out.