Think he wanted that title for his own bio-pic.

I’m sure we can probably find a better one than that,

a monster name like “Hairwolf” or maybe “Frankenfat.”

A song title, perhaps, like Bowie’s “Man Who Sold the World,”

or something native like “White Scalp with Nylon on it Swirled.”

Maybe one that’s lots more fun like “Toilet Paper Trailer.”

Or, “If It Weren’t For Bone Spurs I Would Likely Be A Sailor.”

How ’bout ” Squandered All the Billions My Rich Daddy Gave Me,”

or the catty “I will do Bill Barr if he will Save Me.”

I like “Mail Order Bride Magnet,” think it’s got a ring.

Then there’s “Get Out of Jail Free, As Long as You Don’t Sing.”

“Nero Two” does not quite do, but “Caligula” might,

though it translates “Little Boots,”  “Tiny Hands” is more right.

Perhaps “The Furor” or “The Sniffer” sound a bit more gangster.

Or aim for anti-Mister Rogers, “Kids In Cages Prankster.”

Of course, he might go biblical and choose “The Chosen One.”

Or lean a bit toward mystery, like “Times Square, With a Gun.”

Branding him is like a swim, can go in all directions.

Blatantly, what we don’t want is “I Stole Two Elections.”